Oh, I know this is not real depression. Real depression you just do not snap out of it. Luckily, I have not really suffered it. However, today I dropped off my children at the airport with their father for Europe. My youngest, the 6-year old cried and cried. We were never apart for so long. My preteen boy, is like all boys, loves his mother, but ready for adventure. It seems we measure the lasts by the youngest. It is the last time. I hate that I cannot be with the children on the sea side, or running through the country side. but it is only right their father, Hans should enjoy it. But fathers do not hurt when the kids go like the mother. I should be glad and greatful that they have the ultimate chance out of all the American children to do this. See the world, know something is more than this Trump America. That people can think thoughts without Fox screaming lies, without the people believe guns will solve their problems. 5 weeks out of the madness.

Why am I here? Why do I work for a company that loves and upholds Trump America. Ladies swooning at the inaguration. I question how I know the truth about Jesus, but the girls think I am questioning my salvation. I do no question Jesus, but if all the christians are falling for the charliaton and the evangelism of nationalism and capitalism over the values of Jeus, how do I know that I am not deceived. These people memorize scripture, but not hearing. I am not praying like I should, given to apathy, almost helpless. What am I doing in this stronghold? Am I playing a charleton?

Anyway, I would like to take a vacation from this TrumpAmerica. But I go to work, upholding my husband and children, so they can. Maybe they can hear other ideas, languages and have better vision as this generation. Lord help Ryan and Joy to see the love of Christ. Where do we go for refuge? Where do we go to teach them the Holy Spirit.

Jesus, I do not know where to go, I just know you hold the words of truth. There is a truth! And this will set me free.



Another New Years has passed. This year is different whether I like it or not. Passage of a housewife back to a career girl with a family. I still have a buffer, with luck, about 6 months. 6 months to see my youngest through the end of her preschool years to school girl. To organize an efficient and heartfelt life. So I start with something

Firstly, in bed by 10pm. Second, up by 5:45 am. Time to dream and time to meditate. Here is where I start. Sigh….I can do this!